Another day has just passed by, and i wish i never knew what happened to you. It just gave me another reason to make my heart to fail beating and pumping for my own existence. Why do we have to experience pain here? For as when we die, we only bring the good memories and not the bad ones in our final destination... Right???

I do not really know, but one thing's for sure... I am once again regretting.. This one feeling is something that would bother me and would annoy my bum days.. It would also add up to those "what ifs" daydreaming moments of mine, haaayy.. I wish I never knew.. I should've asked, I should've bothered to tell, I should've known...

Now that the information just got out and caught up with me, i just wanna let you know that I wish you all the best for your plans... I've always regretted that I never became a part of your life, i regret that you and I never became "us", I regret that I never told you... And I have already accepted that there you and I was not just meant to be.. Eventhough,before, deep inside I know you are the one.. Damn me.. I wish I should've told you.. Maybe it would make a huge difference..

TRABAHO

Natawa ako nang makita ko itong comic strip n ito na mula s Manila Bulletin. Naalala ko tuloy ang kalagayan ko bilang isang tao ding naghahanap ng trabaho..

Ayon s National Statistics Office, nabibilang ako s 8.1% ng mga Pinoy s buong Pilipinas na walng trabho (ayon s kanilang surbey n ginanap nitong nakaraang January 2006). Lumaki n nga ung employment rate pero nde nmn lahat ay nakakakuha ng karampatang mga sahod..

Simula p noong disyembre ay nag-aapply na ako.. pero nahinto nang ako ay mauwi ng probinsya, may trabaho n sana ako dun kung inalok s akin ng maaga ung trabho.. At s ngaun ay abril na, halos 5 buwan n rin akong bum.

Ayon s website na www.answers.com :
bum n.
1.) A tramp; a vagrant
2.) A lazy or shiftless person, especially one who seeks to live solely by the support of others.
3.) An incompetent, insignificant, or obnoxious person: "The batter called the pitcher a bum".
4.) One who is devoted to a particular activity or milieu: a beach bum.

S mga nabanggit na depinisyon ay siguro ang unang at pangalawang depinisyon ang makakapagpapaliwanag sa kung ano ang kalagayan ko ngaun. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong malungkot dahil napakawalang silbi ko, pero alam ko na lahat ay may dahilan. Di ko lang masabi s ngaun kung ano...

Sa limang buwang nagdaan di ko naman masasabi na hindi ako nagbibigay ng effort pra mgkaron ng trabho. Siguro kung titingnan nyo ang email account ko s yahoo ay nakapagpadala na ako ng halos singkwentang(50) o higit pa na application letters at mga mahigit kwarentang(40) application n ang naaplyan ko s jobstreet n puro kept for future consideration naman. Tpos kung di ninyo naiitatanong eh kulang na lang s listahan ng lugar na pinuntahan ko para mgtest at mginterview ay Marikina, Las Piñas at Parañaque . Pti Biñan, Laguna ay narating ko n rin. Halos kabisado ko na ang buong kamaynilaan sa kakaikot.

Maraming sabi-sabi na nagkalat na karaniwan, ang isang pinoy ay matagal bago makahanap ng trabaho. S mga inaapplyan ko karaniwan na s mga nakakausap ko sinasabi nila na halos limang buwan n daw sila wlang trabho bgo nakahanap tapos ung iba apat at meron pang isang taon. Minsan kapag nagssalita sila nakinikinita ko ang sarili ko. Kaya nung una, sabi ko kung ano na lng na dumating na trabaho, un n lng kahit minimum, basta mgktrabho lang.

Heto at dumating ang pagkkataon, may ngtxt, pinagrereport na ako. Kumukuha ako noon ng pagsusulit s isang kumpanyang malapit lamang dito s amin, nang sila'y ngtext. Nagtataka nga ako kung bakit ako natanggap dun eh samantalang noong ako ay iniinterview nila, nang malaman ko ang sahod at trbaho, ay nanadya akong ibagsak ang interview(technical interview). Pero parang sinadya talaga ng tadhana na matanggap ako dun, para matuto ng leksyon.

Pumasok ako kinabukasan, at nagpakita s HR, ang tagapamahala ng mga taong papasok s kumpanya nila, at kmi na ay inorient para s ggwing trabho. Pgkahawak ko p lamang ng kontrata, nkita ko ksing 2 buwan lamang sya tatagal, sabi ko s sarili ko, tatapusin ko lng tong kontrata tapos layas na ako. Nagtagal ang orientation, inabot kmi ng tanghalian. Bago pa kami makapagsimula ay pinagmeeting lahat ng kaparis ko ng trabaho. Nagulat ako, pinagalitan silang lahat, at may isang partikular na tao na talagang sinabon, sa harap ko, sa harap ng isang baguhan.

Naalala ko pa ung sinabi ng babaeng tagapamahala s min nun, hindi ito ung HR, basta isa sya s mga nakatataas dun, "KAHIT HIGH SCHOOL, KAYANG GAWIN YAN", ayun na.. Napaisip na ako dun bigla.. Kung di ninyo naitatanong, mejo walang kinalaman ang trabhong un sa tinapos kong kurso, at tama sya kahit nakatapos ka lng ng high school at magaling ka s computer ay makakayanan mong gawin ang pinapatrabho nila. Pagkaupo ko sa aking workstation bumuo ako ng plano.... Bukas na bukas din ay hindi na ako papasok.

Para akong nakalaya pagsapit ng alas nueve ng gabi... Tiningnan ko ang kabuuan ng ortigas.. Kahit napakaganda ng mga ilaw n nangungutitap mula s mga gusaling nakapaligid ay di nito napawi ang kalungkutang nadama ko.. Maling-mali ang desisyon kong tanggapin ang trabho n un..

Napaisip ako matapos ang pangyayaring iyon. Dpat ay pinag-iisipan ko ng mabuti kung ano b tlga ung nais kong pasukin hindi ung para sa dahilang magkatrabho lng... Ika nga ng kaklase ko parang sa pagpili ng boyfriend din ang pagpili ng trabho.. D mo dapat sagutin para lng masabing may boyfriend ka.. Kundi, kaw rin ung masasaktan

Kaya eto, balik n nmn ako sa square one.. wala mang kinikitang pera, mas panatag naman ang loob.. S tingin ko.. D man nakakatulong.. D naman sumasakit ang ulo at d naman namumuroblema araw araw kung ano b dapat ang gwin kinabukasan.. Di lang tlga siguro ako handa mgtrabho... Haaayy..

EMBALIDO

Its been about four months since I have passed the board exams, just like other hopefuls, i really taught that getting a job would be that easy... Well, I admit, I really am wrong....

Just for the record, I have been into numerous interviews, about 10-15 and none of them seem to have interest into hiring me into their company.... Hmmm?? Is there something wrong with me???

Hahahahah!! Well, I guess not.. Its just that, Im too freakin' new and fresh to be exposed to that darn engineering field.. Makes me super mad sometimes, and to think I've turned down some oppurtunities... well, as i've always said to myself.. Don't cry over spilled milk, there is nothing I could do about it even if i fret myself to death...

Well, before reaching this point, I have always thought of the perks of being a bum. You know, i get to sleep almost all day without nothing to worry about, i get to eat when i want to, no boss would command me on what to do, i get to watch tv all the time, search the net for something for no reason at all, meet my friends whenever i want to, and other things i have forgotten to type here that fill my life as a bummer...

At first, its really really fun, i mean, i have studied for almost 15 years and i had two summer classes on my belt before graduating into college.. And this is the ultimate break i am looking forward to.. But it seems that i was the only one enjoying it.. no one around here, at our house, seems to be happy with me being a jobless citizen of the philippines.

I guess its because they were too happy when i passed the board and when they saw me going into interviews, they hoped that i could nail it and get the job right away.. But it seems that they didn't see the job application setting yet.. My brother and sister made matters worse by letting me feel such a loser for still not getting a job.. And they treat me as if they have paid me to get things done around the house (in short, household chores), and it is such a bad feeling, being a kin to them...

Hay... And now, I have been binge eating, forgetting to get myself into shape.. Sleeping almost most of the time, whenever they are all around, forgetting that we all share the same timezones.. Not doing household chores, because they(my siblings) would get used with me as their so called "katulong" and not even trying to lay a single hand to help and to avoid mess around the house...

And i thought being a bum was easy. haaaay....

VALENTINEs day

Wow, its already my 22nd valentines day to date and still no valentino there to steal my breath away... Hahahah... I have been successful in meeting my agendas in life but I have never been successful in meeting my emotional needs a.k.a THE LOVE LIFE.

Hahahah... Believe it or not, I have not entered into a relationship ever since i entered this whole world full of lovers everywhere.. Well, sometimes i get the feeling that i am not a likeable person or rather i am not the typical "girlfriend" kind.

Well, I want to say that I really don't care and just ignore the situation but that will be pure hypocracy in its high level. I dont care and i'm making a blog about it!! hahahah.. who am i kidding????

I have been changing looks trying to see if looks really do matter in finding a prospective lover but i think my body is not cooperating.. See, the effects of being a bummer is starting to hit my body big time... And not only that, my choice of foods to eat is getting numerous.. I just can't stop and give up the food...

Since i have been unsuccessful in the looks I've tried changing some bits of my personality, but i guess i can never ever change who i am.. And i have also learned that someone will bear and accept that .. I just don't know who the heck he is and where the hell is he... Is that guy still on earth???

But in fairness, me being alone this valentine season is not such a bad thing after all. I have learned so many things about myself and learned that it is really hard for me to have someone who treats me like a girl, because i know i'll just dislike that idea thinking it will be too unfeministic... (yeah right)

And maybe, just maybe, if I would find myself being in a relationship.. (hmmm.. when will that day be???) I guess i would be with a man who will accept me as his bestfriend for life(hey im not looking for a husband ah??) someone who will accompany me thru times where i just want to be at home playing lazy and stupid games with myself. Someone who is also willing to learn new things in life. Hey!!! I'm not advertising for wanted perfect man for me aren't i???

I remembered one professor told me, this was way back high school, if one is not being courted by a guy or have been in a relationship (this message was for girls) before 18 something is wrong with her.. And that bothered me until 19 because i am still single, obviously, and tried to get over it until now..

Of course i have recoverd and knew that nothing is wrong with a girl if she isnt still in a relationship before 18. I just happened to accept that maybe I was meant to be single because God knew i could still carry on without being in a relationship I was too independent for a girl. And also He made me knew how to value and love the freedom that I have. :D

DRIVING

I've always wanted to learn how to drive.

But i'm scared of the road....

Haaay.... Hope I could learn how to drive somehow..

I'm already old enough, when will I learn how to drive???

Maybe i should start now....

I'll just turn on the radio... To cool me up

I'm gonna get my feet ready...

Time passed by so quickly that I had to stop...

oh well, I guess I have to imagine driving again tomorrow.... hahahah...

products of abi's nonsense imaginary stories...

When boredom calls and my whole body wants to stop functioning, i try to move in front of the computer and try to punch in keys for enlightenment. (duh???) Hahahah... i really just don't have anything to say....

Well anyways since im a struggling and a very trying hard photographer let me just show a few of my stupid pictures... hahahah.. My very trying hard pictures ika nga.... But I really put a lot of effort in taking these...(yeah right.... a lot of effort in pushing the button.... and trying hard not to be pasmado para d nmn halatang nanginginig ung mga kamay ko.... hahahah) So if u guys got any comments on these trashes, feel free to express them...



















Haay.... Every summer i try to go at least one beach, so as not to waste such a beautiful season. Summer season is the best for me because it lets me see the beauty of nature in full color.





Two of the most notorious birds to date.. hahahah...
Story: We bought another one of these, then these two chased it all day...
Bad birdie Bad!!!!hahahah











My favorite photo of Arcelyn(the one in blue) her face glowed in this one.













Fountain at Enchanted kingdom.... La lng... La akong maisip pra dito eh... Ah ok meron na.... ah wala pla... (gulo??)















The carousel, the rice in a box and the mom taking her child's picture....












My favorite photo of my friends taken at enchanted kingdom...though i was not in the picture (coz obviously i was the one taking this shot) it showed how happy we are at that moment.... (nagmamadaling makasakay para makadami p ng rides...hahahah)














Waiting in vain to ride a bump car......
















The......... ano nga pala to ulit??? hahahah... i forgot but all i could remember is u could never........ever get me to ride this one....







The chamba shot... taken at subic... i was just pressing buttons until this one appeared... hooray!!!
I'm gonna admit one thing about this, i forgot what was this called.... waaah.... patay talaga ako s mga prof ko.... heeheehee...






Well, boredom fades eventually and in the morning whenever i see the sun, it makes me look forward to those days when i'll never get this feeling again. I never look boredom in a bad manner but as a challenge so that the next day won't be as bad as the other. Trying hard to be as unboring as i could be, i always end up being the boring person i am now.. But a better boring one.... hahahah...

I just came home from the province recently and i took some pictures (Actually there's only three...hahahah!!) as I strolled around the area.

Sunsets there are not as fantastic as those of Manila Bay, but just being there alone with the bay, the sea, the sky and everything that nature brought upon to produce this moment is as majestic.

The Church of Saint John the Baptist is located at the center of Poblacion (meaning Town Center). Last Christmas season, rain poured endlessly merging floods in certain places, but no one was seriously hurt or killed. This picture only symbolizes that in times of dark you could always count on your faith to pull you through desperate situations. And that faith was carried by those stricken by the calamity.

Me with cousin winwin at the bay...