My Happy Thought

This is my dog, Masud. One of my happy thoughts. Earliest memory of him, comprises of fur and smell of chocolates. And I have been in love with this bag of fur ever since.

I remember seeing this ad on friendster and I was just wondering whether the puppies were already vaccinated or not, a puppy of mine just died days before I saw this ad. I was so depressed (at that time) and I had no one at home and this ad seemed to appeal to me. See, this guy is giving away his puppies after trying to sell them for 2.5k pesos. He said the puppies had to go soon, since he is residing on a condo unit at Ortigas and having too many pets was (I guess) against the rules.

Anyway, i am really not into pets at that time. As I have mentioned, a puppy just died on me days before seeing this ad. Call it chance or fate but it just gave me another shot by letting me see this one tiny ad on friendster. My dad, convinced me to have it, he will accompany me in getting the little dog. Well, soon enough, I am seeing myself in the lobby of Horizon condominium. Waiting for this Randy guy to give me his puppy. Upon seeing them, i could not explain, he was this tiny bunch of fur. I got excited. You could carry him by the hand, and upon seeing me, his tiny tail started wagging. It was so cute. I couldn't help it but to be attached quickly to this little fella.

I'll never forget that day. And from then on, he has been giving me lots of joy. He gives it bit by bit. A simple gesture of putting his chin on our laps, Greeting us merrily when we arrive home, licking our cheeks when we cry, the feel and warmth of his fur when I sleep at night, and being at my father's side when he was still around. I love to remember that fetching that cute mutt on Ortigas was the last thing my father and I did together. And i'll try not to let go of it. Never.

Having this dog is one of the greatest blessings ever. I may not have Holgar, the last dog, who was someone with breed, intelligent, not fluffy and unique. But I had Masud instead, someone whom I really needed. God knew what was to come and he gave him to me just at the right time. And I've always thanked him since then, coz He chose the right one for me. And whenever I am in grief, I am always reminded of this thought. All of these things, about my dog, are just enough to make me smile and just move on. Well, this is just one happy thought. I have to remember all those other thoughts. I really need 'em this time.




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Of Choice and of Luck

I've always thought i always have a choice when it comes to these kinds of things. I am darn wrong. I can never get my brain to get out of it no matter what I do. I am unlucky, as my friend puts it, because this time, things did not get in my way.

It is sad, but good thing is I have learned. I have learned that in love you can never have a choice and you will not be always lucky. It's either you get what you don't want, or the odds are all against you and you won't get it at all. I think I got both. All I can do is sigh.



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Paranoia

Earlier, I was feeling good for waking up early, 7am (Yes, that's a bit early for me). I became my mom's driver to the market and waited for them to be done. While waiting on the car, I read the Murakami book I bought and as I was reading it I noticed that the weather was rather good despite weather forecast saying it's going to rain. It was perfect, the sun shining on the book's pages, leaves falling off the trees, cool wind blowing and it was a sunday morning so people walking are in their not-so-hurried selves. I loved the view.

Then, I panicked after loving everything. I suddenly got this thought of someone barging into the car and shooting me point blank. I don't know why I'm ruining everything, but I tried thinking what to do in case that happens. Where do I duck in? What my mother will do, what my funeral will be.

Good thing, my mother came in just in time and every thought just went away. I guess, I haven't gotten over my past demons. This is something I think i should do something about.

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