Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Hey there heaven Boy

Hey Paps,

I took this picture earlier because everyday, I think I am starting to look more like you. The puffy eyes, black lips, skin color, eyebrow, etc. I really am your daughter, we even share the same blood type. Also, I now have more white hairs and my face is more wrinklish than ever. (i don't think my moisturizers are workinng! Hehe)

I also think I am starting to live like you. Driving like crazy on highways, and even on non highways, cursing also became a part of driving as well. (I will try to be more mabait because I haven't gave them the finger yet ^_^ ) Like you, i also have gone places, you already knew abt Bohol and Caramoan. Well, I also have been to Coron and seen Bantayan Island, Sagada, Parts of Surigao, Iloilo, Guimaras Island.. Etc. I'm sorry I disappointed you in not going to Pulag yet. I'll go there when I have the time and the money.

Now I wonder if at this age, if you have figured out everything. Well, I guess not. You know how curious I am with things, sorry for asking. It's just that I hate this feeling, this feeling of being stuck with things. Stuck with the job that I am not good at, stuck with the boy who does not like me back, atuck with the weight i could not lose, stuck with the thought of not knowing what to do next, stuck with my siblings who does not know what to do with their life except for extreme drinking and smoking, stuck with a mom and a cousin who prefers watching tv rather than talking to me, stuck with the country where all of my friends end up leaving it, stuck stuck stuck.

Sorry pops, I know at this age, you probably believed I have figured this life out. But I haven't. Bit by bit i thought I already did, but no. The buzzers go off and I am still figuring things.

Well, I still believe in God. Sorry for not going to the church like you want me to. I love God, but I just don't believe in our church anymore. Eversince the RH bill started I could not believe these priests would meddle on women's health. I pray in my own little ways, but I can't feel Him anymore. Please ask God to enlighten me. In all ways. You are there with Him.

Oh well, I have been so dramatic these days. I cry almost 2x a week. I thought yesterday that maybe it is healthy to cry rather than supress all of these feelings but I think it's better to have all of these over. This is my year pops, i hope i get through. Oh God let me through.

No comments: