Nostalgia: Cabalian

Nostalgia is both a self-inflicted wound and the morphine you take for the pain - a perfect reprieve from the cold, cruel light of an untampered -with day. It hurts, but it's a good hurt.- Stacy Horn


I live everyday holding memories of the past. Somehow, I go on to the future clinging to the past. I savor each memory like food and taste it and devour it like crazy. And whenever I get good ones, I never get hungry for days. It's like I'm refreshed. 


Well, last week, I went home to our province. Not exactly my home, since I grew up at QC already but since both of my parents grew up there. I consider it my second home. I remember going home as one of my happy memories. I remember the excitement from different places. Whenever we are near the port of Manila, Whenever, I see the view of our place from Lepanto St. Bernard, whenever we are at the airport. I remember eating Crunch with my dad at the ships we rode. 


Whenever we are there, I remember the smell of kopras (coconut husk). It makes me feel at home, the smell of the sea, the wind, the fields, even the sound of the hurrying ordinary passenger buses and trucks. I also remember the people, my titas who smell you before they kiss your cheeks, the faces, the smiles, the language, the way people speak - angry like but nevertheless, still, home.


This year, since I became a jog-a-holic, I jog every morning to the fields. And it was fantastic, a new memory to live by. The morning light, the cold breeze, the people murmuring, seeing this new face running on the street, my favorite view of the mountain, my favorite tree scene, the distance, my first hour run.


Thanks to these memories, I feel refreshed going back to the city. Before coming in, I think I got depressed, I wasn't energized, I was everything negative, I could not accept what was happening to my life. Life wasn't accepting everything I wanted to happen. So, on the course of my stay, I accepted that it wasn't going happen. I was afraid to go back, because I know, I could get hurt again, I'll be disappointed, and then will never accept. But, I have to go back and get scarred some more. And after everything, I'll get used to it, and probably I would be able to figure out how not to have wounds again. 


Sorry for holding too much from the past. It's something I hold on to. Something that gets me going. I would probably post some more. I now know that I need to reminisce the good things in order for me to not dwell on bad feelings people and circumstances give me. I am in the process of learning everything. 


Maybe this is my year of learning before getting 30. Oh well. Hello life. :) 

Almost Forgotten Thoughts Box

There are times that I would think of something in the middle of something and then I thought of writing/blogging them down when I remember. But I usually don't so, here are some that I have gathered from my almost forgotten thoughts box. Well, now I get to think of so many things that I would like to say online, but I'd rather write them here in one sitting. Let's see if get to remember all the things I said I'll write. (Time range is from Sunday to now)


While Swimming earlier


I now know why you love snorkeling around here. I thought the view would be boring, but it wasn't. It wasn't near great but it was good. Something not to miss for. I'll try to explore more and see what the sea here offers.



While reading Murakami's book


I don't like running either. But there's something about running that I would like to conquer. I know my body is made for stamina, but I don't want to push it. Oh well, I hate running but the more I hate it the more I am loving it. You know what I mean? I hate it but I don't want to be beaten by it. And if I set something further, and I succeed, I win.

I want to try running here (in our province) the view is fantastic. I wanna breathe the morning air while I try to sweat my ass off. I reckon it'll be a good run. Cross fingers, I wish I could wake up early tomorrow!  



While at the bus on my way here (Sunday)



I guess people who are generous are selfish. If they don't do it (giving), they won't be able to sleep, eat or live their lives properly. So, they are selfishly selfless. I'm a loose screw am I? 



While walking around yesterday


If people are smart, would they stay here? What would become of their wants if they leave this place? Smart people have more 'wants' because they are smart enough to gather what they already need. Here I go again with the theories. No answer is needed. Just wondering.



While taking pictures yesterday


Why would people look if they see someone taking pictures? I know it's what you see everyday, but I don't. Let me take my pictures please. 



Woke up with a call from work asking me to do blah blah blah


I know, I should not whine with this. I should be thankful that I have a job. Remind self 1000x.


While blogging, NOW.


I lost all thoughts. Kaboom. Good night. I have to try and jog tomorrow. 


Oh well, I guess my brain is already saturated with all the things I wanted to do other than this. I thought of this while reading the Murakami book and got me inspired just to write anything. This just lead me nowhere but I guess it's a start.


Good night. I'll write again. Promise. 

Anesthesia

Minsan hindi ko alam kung nagmamanhid na ba lahat ng sakit o gumagaling na.

Sa aking wari'y inineksyunan ako ng anestesya ng tadhana upang makayanan ang sakit

At pagkatapos ng lahat ako'y makakalimot, pero ang sugat ay mag-iiwan ng peklat

Sa bawat tingin ko dito ay tila may kirot, ngunit hindi na ito kasing sakit ng dati.

Hindi na katulad ng dati.